The Mind of a Music Junkie: Using Music to Embrace the Changes Occuring In My Life

The thing I love the most about music is that it can make you feel emotions more deeply. But it's also the thing I hate about music. Probably the only thing I hate about my addiction. You can't hide your feelings, your thoughts, your realness when confronted with the power of lyrics that seep into your soul.

Time Marches On - Whether We're Ready or Not

As I get older, it feels like time is moving at a faster speed. Maybe it's because me and the fam just got through watching the Masked Singer with a DC Comics theme but sometimes I feel like life is moving at the speed of Flash while my mind is moving at the speed of Flash from Zootopia.

I've been through hell and back in my lifetime. As the late, great Young Dolph once said, "I went through hell and back to get to this."

And through it all, music was the one constant that helped me release the pain, to get past the depression, to embrace the grief, and to reminiscence about times that have passed and the events yet to come.

As year 2023 continues to pass by in a blur of days, two events loom closer, bringing me more and more sadness. In April, my oldest child will turn 18 and be an adult. And a month later in May, he'll be doing his momma proud and walking across the stage to get his diploma.

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Confession Time - This Mom Isn't Ready for Life to Speed By

I'm not ready. And as I wallow in my dislike of my children growing up, two songs have been on repeat in my mind. Surprisingly, they are both country songs. Despite my recent aversion to country music due to the complete garbage that is today's genre, I'm a huge classic country buff.

As I've written about the same topic on the lighting fast speeding of time on several of my other sites, one line keeps going on a loop in my mind. And that line is from a classic oldie song. No matter what we do to stop it, time marches on (Tracey Lawrence). "The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes."

I've known since the first time I heard the song, "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney that it would be the story of my life. I frequently stare in confusion at the calendar and wonder how we got here. I know I'm not the only person who feels like 1990 was only 10 years ago - not 30. Breaks this 80's baby's heart.

Some Days I Think I'm Losing My Mind

As the LAC's and Charley Farley say, "I'm just a backroads 80s baby. Raised in the country like grits and gravy. Some of y'all still call me crazy. But thank God that country raised me."

The second song that's been playing on a loop in my mind is "You're Going to Miss This." Trace Adkins is the sexiest man alive with that long ponytail - he's my exception to my preference for sexy bald heads. But this song is the perfect story line to show how fast life goes by, especially when we rush it.

If you've ever seen the movie "Click" with Adam Sandler, it's sort of like that. You get in such a rush to get to the "good parts" of your life that you forget to see the beauty and blessings in the everyday.

An honorable third mention goes to Darius Rucker (yes, from Hootie and the Blowfish if you go back that far) for his tear jerker song "It Won't Be Like This For Long."

A few other songs have come into my mind this week that have made an imprint to inspire writing and work.

Reminiscing about the Past and Dreading the Future

For example, the hubs and I are on a binger for the TV series, Teen Wolf. I of course have seen the original 80s movie with Michael J. Fox. And we were getting ready to watch the new Teen Wolf movie from 2023. But hubby figured I'd do better watching the series first so I wouldn't be confused at the players in the game and the plot line. He knows me so well.

Anyhoo, last night's episode started with the main characters being excited about the start of their senior year. But also worried that once school ended, they would not talk to their high school friends again. And in reality, that's usually how it goes.

We all go our separate ways and you often fall out of touch with people whom you once felt the closest. 90% of the plans we make as naive, young teenagers doesn't pan out.

I thought about it and realized that there are very few people that I was only friends with in high school that I still associate with today. I have the typical Facebook, Instagram social media acquaintances I keep up with and have random casual chats. But I don't hang out with any of them.

But I do have a few lifetime friends that I still align my loyalties towards. I've been with these friends for decades, long before the hell of high school. And my husband is the same way. He's got friends that he's been close with since his single digits. And while he talked to those friends throughout high school, they predate the final four years of school. So, do they really count? I said no.

F*** Yo Fake Friends - Where Yo Real Friends At?

And as if to drive home to me that I've become quite socially distanced from anyone I used to know, today, I heard another song that hit home. Lil Wyte said it best when he said, "I've lost so many so called homies but that's okay. Since they gone I've realized they weren't my homies anyway. Cuz if they was it would be cool and everything would be straight. But see they ain't that's why I had to write this song about the fake."

I totally get fake friends. I've had several so-called "besties that put me in the dumps, made me doubt my sanity, and nearly ruin my life. There have been many times that I've thought that I was crazy. But once I got away, I realized I'm more like Boosie Badass (Lil Boosie).

"They say that I'm crazy, and sometimes I feel like I'm crazy. But I know I'm not crazy. And my mistakes don't make me, or break me."

And that is the reason I only have a handful of "real friends". My best friend is someone I've known literally since the day I was born. And my other best friend is my husband and my kids. Yeah, we're THAT kinda family. Haha.

Going Out Like It's 2003

For the last few days, a song I haven't heard in a few decades has been in my head and it even prompted an entire post and product creation. Many people don't know the country artist Clay Walker. I had the biggest crush on him when I was eight. It was the 90s and those tight jeans and sexy dimples did me in.

I've fought very hard to get to where I am today. It's taken a lot of effort and dedication to claw myself back from rock bottom. While I used to be scared to look into the future, these days, I'm trying to make myself live like Clay said and "Do my dreaming with my eyes wide open. I'll do my looking back with my eyes closed. We can do some livin'. Or spend our whole lives hoping."

To wrap up, my final song to end the night that is still running through my mind as I catch up on my Hulu recorded list - currently watching Station 19. An oldie but goodie from my year of graduation in honor of my son's upcoming walk. Repping the Class of 2003, I give you 3 Doors Down.

We all have a weakness, a kryptonite - as they like to remind us. But as they ask, "If I go crazy, will you still call me Superman? If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?